we're not perfect
by psychotic honeybadger of death
Summary: Claire got hurt by someone she thought she could trust. It's getting harder for her to deal with things, especially with Layne turning against her and Cam not knowing which side to choose. When things become too much for her she finds new people who'll let her start over. That's kind of hard, though, when people she wants to forget won't leave her alone. Rated M.
1. things fall apart

**i told you i'd start that new story. so here it is.**

**this is set about three years or something after the last book, so claire is 16ish.**

**I do not own the Clique.**

**WARNING: this chapter has some bad dark stuff in it, and i am so sorry if it brings back bad shit, i swear. probably for mature audiences(i think that's the word) only.**

**x-x-x-x-x**

Everything was so perfect. I was in the Pretty Committee _and _got to spend all my time with Layne. Massie and I managed to stay sisters even with her in England. I was in a perfect relationship with the boy I loved with all my heart, Cam. Things were pretty much going smooth.

But then things had to fall apart.

I was spending the weekend at Layne's because my parents were out of town. Todd got to stay with Tiny Nathan. I was there alone with Chris, because her parents were working late and she was buying us junk food. I didn't feel like going, so I just let her take my car. I didn't feel weird because me and Chris were friends, and he didn't treat us like little kids.

I was watching TV in her living room, and Chris had been in his room for most of the night. Me and Layne knew he was probably getting high, after _another _breakup with that girl Fawn. He got back together with her about a year after that horse rumor she spead, when she came to him crying, begging to get back together. They did, and haven't been the most stable couple in the world but still managed.

During a commercial, Chris came out of his room. He smelled kind of like beer, and his eyes were bloodshot. He walked over to the couch I was sitting on, stumbling a little.

"H-hey, Claire.." He mumbled, flopping next to me, where I was curled up on the end. His thigh was touching mine so I scooted over a bit, but he just moved closer. I didn't notice at first, because it was just an inch, but he did.

"Hi Chris. You okay?" I asked lightly. I knew he really cared about Fawn, even though she turned out to be a whore. Everytime she left him he always seemed so broken, and he started doing drugs.

Chris rolled his eyes, then squinted a bit at me. "Why wouldn't I be? I don't need that bitch Dawn, o-or Fawn, or whatever.. I'm just fine on my own.." He trailed off. I got a little uncomfortable, even high he was never this mad or bitter when they broke up, just upset. But he did smell like alchohol, maybe that was it.

"Um.."

He kept going. "Yeah..I don't need her. She's just a-a _whore_, that's what she is..I need something else. Someone else." His eyes flashed. I got a little worried.

"Chris.."

"The problem with her, is-is she's so _clingy_." He started slurring his words. Yep, he's drunk, this isn't good. "I don't get 'er flowers erryday, she screams at me. I don't wanna be a' her _side_ all day, she says I don't love her..I don't wan' a relationship, I need something else..I don't want the feelins', I want tha _feell_..." He was grinning lazily. I don't like this. Where's Layne, come home Layne. This isn't good.

"Chris, you don't mean that-" I started, and I had a bad feeling in my stomache. He isn't right right now, he's not in a good state of mind-

"Bullshit!" He grinned. "Claire, I don't wan'any strings with anyone, feelings aren't good. You on'y get hurt, people never 'eally love you, you know tha, righ'? Looka' Cam, he's hurt you? We're both hurt, Claire, so we-we.." I didn't like where this was going. Where the hell was _Layne_? She needs to get here, now.

"Chris," I said cautiously, moving away from him. "You don't know what you're saying. You don't-"

"No, I know, I know! This is _right_, Claire, don' ya _feel_ it? We-we need to..we need to do this." He was moving closer to me, reaching out to touch me, and I didn't like it, I didn't like it, I didn't like it. I was scared, I'd never seen Chris like this and I didn't want to see him like this. I got up from the couch but he grabbed my wrist.

"I've always thought you were so pretty, Claire..." He murmured, tightening his grip on my arm. He got up and I tried to yank away from him but he was too fast, grabbing my other wrist, and holding them behind my back so his arms were around me and I couldn't get out. I struggled against him but he was strong, alot stronger than me.

"Chris, stop it! Let go of me, go away! Please-" I was starting to cry, he was scaring me. Chris tightened his arms so I could only wiggle in his grasp, and he started whispering, eyes closed.

"Be quiet Claire. Be quiet. You want this, you want this-"

"NO! Let _go _of me!" I was trying so hard, but I couldn't get away. _Where is Layne_? Why is she taking so long, why isn't she getting back to help me? He started backing me so I was against the wall, and moved my hands above my head.

"Stop resisting, Claire. It's gonna happen, an' you can' tell anyone because they'll just _hurt_ us. Everyone wans' to hurt us..I won't hurt you.." He held my hands above me with one fist and started to unbutton my shorts with the other. No, no, no, no...Stop it...

"It won't hurt, you know tha'. I won' hurt ya...I know you've done this before..." NO, NO, NO-

I tried to scream but I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't. It wasn't working. He did it, he hurt me, he hurt me.

When he was done, he let go of my hands and I fell to the floor, sobbing. He stroked my hair, 'shh'-ing. After I didn't stop crying, he kissed me on the head and went back to his room. My sobs slowly turned to just tears, then sniffles, then finally whimpers. I didn't know how long it had been, but I went back to the couch and cleaned myself up and pretended that nothing happened, that nothing even happened, and when Layne got back later, saying there was a huge line and traffic, I pretended everything was okay and later Chris came back out and acted like nothing happened.

After that, everytime I had to be alone with him he did it again, whispering the same things, doing the same things. I managed to act like everything was still perfect, but after a while it got harder.

I had been hanging out with Cam as much as possible, so I could get away from him and be with someone who loved me and wouldn't hurt me and would protect me. We were in his room, watching a movie, laying on his bed with his arms around me. We were always were sweet and touchy like that, but it had started making me think about bad things, bad things. So I tried as hard as I could to pretend I loved when he touched me just like I always have, but sometimes I slipped.

I was laying in his arms, peaceful for once, and he was softly kissing my neck. I liked it, but one of his hands starting slowly sliding up my shorts, touching and working and playing with me, and I flinched. Because Chris had done that the last time he hurt me, and it reminded me.

"Are you okay, Clairebear?" Cam asked, moving from my neck to look at me, his eyes caring. I felt bad for reacting like that, how could sweet, perfect Cam ever remind me of _him_? I knew I couldn't say I wasn't ready for that kind of stuff yet, because we had had sex and done lotsof other things before. And I'd always been _very _eager when he touched me. So that wouldn't work.

I smiled at him. "Yeah, sorry." I leaned forward to kiss him, and he let it go. I was relieved, I couldn't tell him about Chris hurting me. I wanted to tell someone, so they could help me and make it _stop_, but I was scared. Chris always made sure I wasn't about to tell anyone. So I kept things to myself, and went on like nothing was wrong.

But, of course, people started noticing things. Mostly just Cam, because I was rarely with anyone else, and kind of Layne because I was starting to avoid being at her house so only really saw her at their band practice. I knew I had to tell someone eventually, so I told Cam. I was in his room, where I usually was lately, and he kept trying to touch me. This was when it had been going on for about a month, and I was getting worse and worse at pretending life was still so perfect.

We were on his bed, making out. Cam was leaning against the wall with me straddling him, and my arms were around his neck. He was getting really into it, and started moving his hands under my clothes, and I jumped a little on his lap. I also yelped quietly.

Since that obviously killed the mood for him, he sighed and pulled away, holding my face to look at me. I didn't meet his eyes and looked at my lap instead. "Clairebear, what's wrong? What's going on?" He was using that voice where I knew saying 'nothing' wouldn't work, and I knew I had to tell him.

"I-I.." I couldn't say it, couldn't say it, couldn't say it. He lightly wrapped his arms around me. "Hm? Please tell me, Claire. You don't need to be scared."

My eyes started watering a little at that. Cam, sweet, perfect Cam, I shouldn't keep this from him. He only wants me to be happy, he loves me. He loves me. "I..I got hurt.."

Cam widened his eyes a little and tightened his arms. Not too much, not scary, just perfectly tight. Caring. "What do you mean? What happened, who hurt you?"

I started whimpering a little and he looked so pained to see my like this. "I..I got-" I choked up a bit. I can't say it. Saying it would make it real. He lifted my chin up and looked into my eyes. He looked so worried, so caring.

"Yeah? C'mon, Claire, you can tell me. Please tell me, I love you."

"I got-I got raped-" I broke down at the word, sobbing and shaking in his arms. Cam's eyes got huge and his mouth opened, shocked. I clung onto him, my face buried in his neck. He started stroking my back and hair, soothingly 'shh'-ing and whispering comforting words. My arms were tight around his neck, holding on like he's my life, and my body crushed into his.

You know that feeling, like when you're facing this great big thing, good or bad, and it's like everything's different? Like when you finish an amazing book or movie or level on something, or hear an important piece of news? Like everything is at least a little new, and you're thinking differently and even the air feels, smells, tastes different? That's how I felt, admitting it for the first time. I had never really said it out loud before, never even thought of the word before telling Cam. Because saying it, hearing it, even thinking it would make it real.

This was real.

And things were only just starting to fall apart.

**x-x-x-x-x**

**not all chapters will have descriptice parts like that. just this one. i'm not exactly sure how i'm gonna lay this story out, but i have the whole plot finished and whatnot, so i'll just see where it goes from here.**

**-sarah**


	2. let me tell you

**I do not own the Clique.**

**x-x-x-x-x**

Cam got really protective over me after I told him. He didn't want me to go anywhere alone, and even slept over at my house a few times. He mostly had me stay over at his, though. Everyone knew something was up, because of his new bodyguard actions, but nobody asked.

Except for Layne, of course.

It was during one of their band practices when she confronted me about it. The guys were talking about something in the garage, and we were sitting on the driveway. It was pretty much the only time I really talked to her around then, during the practices.

"Alright, Claire, what's up. Why have you been avoiding me, and why has Cam been acting like you're some rare royalty-type shit? Did I piss you off or something, because I was only kidding when I said that thing about you growing up to be a prostitute, you know that," She said, her arms crossed.

I froze up a bit, I didn't want to tell her about her only sibling hurting me like that. "Um..nothing's wrong."

"Bullshit. Just tell me already, cause I'm _pretty_ sure I didn't do anything wrong."

"Um..um.." I guess Cam noticed me stuttering around so he walked over to us. "You okay, Claire?"

"Yes! Cam, can you tell me what's up with her, I'm seriously confused over this."

He looked sort of uncomfortable. "Well..It's not really my place to say..."

Layne sighed and got this wounded expression. "C'mon Claire. Just tell me, please, I'm your best friend.."

"I..got.." I really didn't want to say it again, but I could at least tell her, right? She didn't have to know who did it. Besides, she _is _my best friend, she has some sort of right to know. "I got raped, okay?" I kind of spat that last part out, but at least I told her.

Her reaction was mostly like Cam's. Wide eyes, open mouth, oh-shit face. "Claire...god, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have made you tell me like this..."

I felt awkward with her all rambly and pitying, so I stopped her. "It's okay Layne, it's not like it was your fault. I needed to tell you soon anyways.." She rambled on a bit more, then let it go since I looked uncomfortable.

"Is that why Cammieboy over here won't leave you alone?" She grinned at Cam, who blushed a bit then crossed his arms. "Yes, yes it is, Layne."

After telling Layne I figured I should tell my parents, because they were starting to wonder why I had been acting weird. So I told them. I had to tell Todd, too.

Cam was with me(of course) when I told them. They were sitting in the living room so I decided that was as good a time as any.

"Mom? Dad?" They looked up from the show they were watching on TV. "Yes honey?" My mom answered.

"I have to tell you guys something..." They both got nervous-looking, and my dad kept side-glancing at Cam to try and see if he looked guilty of anything. I noticed and rolled my eyes. "I'm not pregnant, Dad, you don't have to kill him."

"Are you okay, sweetie?" My mom looked really worried.

"Well..I know I've been acting different lately, and I thought I should tell you guys..."

"Yes?"

Ehh. I did _not_ want to say it again. Bad memories. "I..I got raped." I whispered. I wouldn't look at them, I didn't want to see their reactions. My dad looked so pissed, and my mom looked like she was going to faint or start crying or both.

"_What_?" My dad asked, eyes narrowed and fists clenched. "Who the hell did this to you?"

This was about a month after it started, and the last time was a week ago since I was rarely at Layne's.

My eyes started watering and Cam held my hand. "The first time was about a month ago, but it hasn't happened since last Friday." Today was a Wednesday, so that was like five days. My dad asked who did it again, and I whimpered a little. I didn't like this. "I-I can't say, I'm scared.."

My mom started tearing up. "Oh, Claire, honey..." Todd walked in when as she said this, but stopped at the sight of us. You would've too, seeing your mom in tears, your dad angry as hell, and your sister whimpering with her pained-looking boyfriend next to her. "What's going on?"

My mom only cried a bit harder, and my dad closed his eyes. I turned to him and sighed. "Todd, I, um..I have to tell you something.."

"What is it? You're not pregnant, are you? You don't look pregnant-"

"Todd, it's not that, don't worry. I, um..I've been getting raped, and-" He cut me off.

"What.." His eyes widened and he dropped his bag on the floor. "Are you freaking serious?"

I rolled my eyes. Why the hell would I lie about that? What kind of attention whore does he take me for? "No shit. It started like last month, and that's why I've been kind of weird lately.."

He walked toward me and I got nervous. He looked serious for once in his life. Without warning, he wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "Don't worry, Claire. I'll beat the fuck out of him for you. Tiny Nathan and I will get him, we're ninjas." I laughed and pulled him closer. "Thanks, Todd," I whispered, not only for what he said but for making me laugh.

Maybe things could get better. I had Cam, Layne, and my family, and I would get around to telling my other friends soon. They could help me.

**x-x-x-x-x**

**really short chapter, i know, but it's getting closer to a big part. sorry for not updating this much, i'm not good with angsty stuff.**

**QOTD: cold or hot weather? i love the cold, and i don't really like hot weather. warm is cool, but definitely not hot.**

**-sarah:)**


	3. if only you knew

**well hi there. it's been a while. but hurr i am now, so yay.**

**x-x-x-x-x**

It's been about three weeks since it last happened. So far I've told Cam, Layne, my parents, and Todd. I don't know who to tell next or if I _should_ tell anyone else. I mean, the Pretty Committee isn't as serious as when Massie was here yet we're still best friends, but I don't hang out with them as much. I could tell Massie, since we talk like everyday. But she's in England and knowing her she would fly out here and harass me until I tell her who so she could beat their ass.

Somehow I highly doubt Massie could kick Chris's ass, but whatever. She's stronger than she looks. But then again, so was he.

I need to stop thinking about this.

See, that's the problem. I'm either happy and 'it happened but I can accept and get past it' or 'my life is unbearable and I'm falling apart at the seams.' If not one of those, it's a thin strip in the middle of 'hey. I got raped. By Chris Abeley. How do I feel? I mean...*deep, somehow calm thoughts*' There is no in between.

Speaking of my dealing-with-it-bipolarness, Cam and Layne think it's unhealthy that I'm so.._calm_, I guess, about it. I think they're affected by it more than I am. Especially Cam. He feels so ashamed about not being able to stop what happened, like it's his fault for not being there to help me. I can't stand that, he keeps beating himself up about it and getting even more mad at himself when I tell him it's not his fault, because according to him I'm not the one who's supposed to feel bad.

Anyways, I know that if you would talk to me or see me walking down the street, I don't give off an 'abused' sort of vibe. I've always thought that if something like this happened I would be this big hot mess, dripping around in weakness. I was, at first. But I guess you have to know what's really going on, and when you do at least _some_ of you accepts it and goes on. I think it's what keeps me sane, that accepting part. Things got alot easier when I accepted it. When I said it out loud, to Cam, for the first time, it was..strange. I cried at the time, but I really didn't know what to feel.

"Claire? Hellooooo?" I'm snapped out of my thoughts by Layne, who I forgot was here. We were in my room, having a girl night. So far we'd been through Thirteen Going on Thirty, Mean Girls, The Labyrinth, two tubs of mint chocolate chip and strawberry ice cream, two two-liter Coke bottles, and a sparkly heart-shaped handbag(Layne's) full of candy. And we weren't even halfway through.

"Yeah, Layne? Sorry, I spaced out for a second." Her hazel eyes narrowed. "Mmm-_hmm_. What's on your mind, Clairebear, you didn't even sing along to 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody,' and we _both_ know that song is the shit."

I sighed. I can't believe I missed Whitney Houston, what's wrong with me? I had been doing good lately. "I dunno, I just..I don't know how to feel."

"Bout what?"

"The thing." 'The thing' is what we had taken to calling the rape, since I was okay with saying it but when somebody else did I started shaking. "I know we're supposed to be girling out right now, movies and sugar and shit, but whenever things go back to normal for a bit, it's like, I start thinking about it. Not like a shock, but gradually, and it's all I think about. I don't even notice till someone shakes me out of it."

Layne softened. I didn't like bringing the thing into conversation because Cam and Layne start to baby me when it comes up. Like they think I'm this ticking time bomb, and unless they do everything for me I'll explode. "Claire, I know I really have no idea how you're supposed to feel about it. But maybe it's cause you're scared. It happened. It's one of those things where no one ever thinks it will happen to _them_, until it does.

"Think about it this way: people never think that they're going to go broke or lose their house. They know that it's possible, but it doesn't seem possible for them. Even if they're tight on money, it doesn't seem likely. Whenever it happens, it's to someone else. You think it's always gonna happen to someone else, until that someone else is _you_. And when that someone else _is_ you, you're so shocked and confused that feeling something for sure doesn't feel right.

"I'm not trying to say that you need mental help or anything, even though I wouldn't be too surprised if you turn out to be cray-cray, but you're probably just not in the right state of mind. Right now you're not in a place for mulling over emotional feelings for too long so you're blocking them out, and using logical feelings. You know you should be hurt and needy and scared, and you know that you have people that care about you so you should feel strong too, and hey things could be alot worse like you could be preggers or have STD's or something shitty like that so you should be at least a bit happy too. But you don't know how much of those things you should feel. So you're always zoning out and pondering about the universe or whatever.

"I know you're confused, Claire, even if I don't know what you could be going through. But everything will be okay. You know that, right? You've got me, Cammieboy, Todd, your parents, and everyone else, even if they don't know. We're always gonna be there for you. I promise." By the time she finished my eyes were watering. I closed my eyes for a second, then lunged forwards and hugged her tightly.

"Thank you," I sniffled. "Thank you so much." She patted my head and rubbed my back soothingly. Layne was the best friend in the world. She wasn't the type of best friend where she's like my sister, Massie proudly holds that spot, but it was different. She's one of the people I was closest to in the world. I was so lucky that she's trying to keep everything okay, and help me get past this. Layne's probably the one who hates my rapist the most, even though she thinks she's never met him.

If only she knew.

**. . . . . . . . . .**

"I can do this, I can do this... I can't do this."

Cam sighed. "Yes you can, Claire, it'll be fine. Just press the button."

"But what if she breaks through the screen and goes on a killing rampage to find out who did it?"

He snorted. "She wouldn't risk breaking a nail like that."

Me and Cam were in my room. I was at my computer while he sprawled out on my bed, his tall frame not fitting so his legs dangled off the sides. I was trying to get the balls to tell Massie, but this was different than telling my parents or Cam or Layne. This was _Massie_ we're talking about. The girl who Barbie-ified old trailers and had a successful clothes sale at thirteen years old to protect her reputation. She wasn't concieted(that much, anyways, I had tamed her a bit over the years) but proud. Not in a cocky way but a 'hardworking and independant' way. Proud of herself, and people close to her.

So telling her would be the same as asking her to fly out here and set some bitches straight.

And that wouldn't go down too well. Yeah, she would kick ass both physically, verbally, emotionally, and everything else-ally, but that would mean telling her who did it. And telling her everything. And fucking things up.

So yeah, I wasn't looking forward to it.

But remember, she's practically my sister. And she's noticed me acting weird, so she know's somethings up. I have to tell her. It would make alot of things easier. But still. This is _Massie_.

"Claire. Press the damn button. Tell the damn Massie. If you don't so help me God I will pin you to the bed and tickle you to death," Cam sighed. It had been ten minutes since we started the 'telling Massie' conversation, and we were clearly on opposite sides.

"Do it. You're the one that'll get pissed on."

He rolled his eyes. "That's it, I'm calling Layne. She'll help me."

"Alrightalrightalright! Don't call Layne, it's only gonna lead to another 'Who's Claire's Best Friend?' battle, and we both know that won't be pretty." Last time they got in one of those fights it ended with Kristen peeing herself over the phone, Massie getting grounded for a month, Layne sporting an uneven haircut, me getting bruised wrists, Todd in a dress, and Cam on the verge of tears hiding under my bed. Don't ask.

I went on Skype and texted Massie to get on. When she called me, she popped up on my screen in gray skinny jeans and an undershirt, holding up two pretty blouses. "Okay, Kuh-laire, before you say anything, which one of these looks better?"

I studied them for a moment, then said, "The red one, and don't wear heels."

"Kay, thanks. I'm going on a date with James in an hour, to the park. Should I braid my hair?"

"Massie nobody cares about your hair," Cam called from my bed. Massie cocked her head the side and narrowed her eyes. "What's that thing doing here? You're still with it?" They had developed a brother/sister-like relationship when Massie visited last summer, and liked to bitch at each other whenever we talked.

"Do a a French braid, but leave the bottom loose. Anyways, I have something to tell you..." I trailed off nervously. I'm scared.

"What's going on, Kuh-laire? Why does Cam look like he's in pain? You look uncomfortable...Ehmahgawd, you're not pregnant, are you? Eh. Mah. Gawd. You're pregnant. You better name it after me-"

"Massie, she's not pregnant. Jesus, why does everyone jump to _that_ conclusion?!" Cam said.

"Well what's wrong? Kuh-laire?" She stopped and looked at my face. I guess I didn't look too good because her voice softened. "Kuh-laire, what's wrong?"

"I,uh..I got.." I stuttered. I never liked admitting it to people. I kept tripping over my words and stammering and getting nervous and I just didn't like it God damn you Chris you fucking bastard look what you did to me-

Sorry, that was uncalled for.

"Clairebear, it's okay," Cam whispered in my ear, soothingly rubbing my upper arms. I calmed down, closed me eyes, and took a deep breath.

"Massie, I was..I was raped," I whispered, eyes closed. I could practically see her widen her amber eyes, drop the top in her hands, and gasp silently.

I cracked an eye open, waiting for her to say something.

Silence.

"Uh, Mass? Massi-" Cam started, but got cut off by the God awful shriek that came from Massie's glossy lips.

"_What_? Who the fucking hell fucking did this to you what the fuck are you fucking serious fuck hell shit good lord hell fuck-"

"_Massie_!"

"Sorry, sorry, but ohmygod-" Okay that part there shocked me. She rarely actually said it was 'ohmygod', it was always 'ehmahgawd'. anyways, "- I can't believe this. Who- who did it?"

I started trembling just a bit. "I can't tell you, I can't say it, he'll hurt me-"

I stopped when Cam pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. "Shh, it's okay Clairebear. It's okay.." I calmed down a bit and looked back at Massie.

"The last time was about th-three weeks ago, and-" snifflesniffle "- the first time was about a month before that. Ohmygod, Massie..why did this happen..."

I could tell Cam was getting worried. I wasn't this bad when I told Layne or my parents. I didn't say much and mostly just cried a bit, but I felt like Massie needed to know everything. Everything I could say, anyways.

So I told her. I told her about the first time, about the last time, about every time in between. I told her how many times it happened, how he would always say the same things, how whenever I had to be alone with him he would touch me somehow. How he would remind me of it, make sure I kept my mouth shut about his identity, look at me, torture me. I told her everything except for who did it. I couldn't tell her, not yet. Not with Cam in the room.

When I was done she was quiet for a minute. We all were. That was the most I'd ever said about it, the most emotional I'd gotten so far. Then Massie spoke.

"Oh, Claire, honey...I'm so sorry, Claire," She whispered.

"It-it's okay, Mass.. You didn't cause it, you don't have to be sorry.."

"Claire..Cam, get out for a second," Massie ordered, using her Leader Voice on him. He kissed me on the forehead and walked out, closing the door softly. "Claire, you know I love you, right?"

"Yeah. Love you too, Mass."

"I just...please, tell me anything. I-I can't let you walk around bottling shit up inside because you won't tell anyone there. I'm always here. Okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Massie." I sniffled one last time, then smiled weakly.

"Anytime, Kuh-laire."

**x-x-x-x-x**

**sorry i haven't been updating things lately, but i'm working on the next chapters for the C&L show and bennette academy and i'll try to have them up soon. **

**QOTD: if you could slap anyone in the face with a waffle, who would it be? i'd pick taylor swift. sorry, but i just don't like her or her music. hey, maybe she'd write a song about it. heh heh..no? okay. **

**-sarah:)**


	4. i'm not a turtle

**hai. i'm on thanksgiving break now so i'll try to write more for you guys. and thanks for the shmantasticalicously awesome reviews, i keep forgetting to put that.**

**I do not own the Clique.**

**x-x-x-x-x**

After telling Massie I decided to try and get out of my anxiety-shell. So, armed with Cam and Layne, I went on an adventure around Westchester.

"Dude, Layne, that's nasty." We just left one of those organic market places, cause we're healthy like that(just kidding Cam wanted blueberry pie) and Layne was cramming these almond sugar cookies in her mouth. They were freaking delicious. And they were from an organicy place, that's a plus.

"Hey shut up, these taste like freakin heaven," Layne defended herself. Cam rolled his eyes. "Really? Lemme try," he tried grabbing one but Layne swatted his arm with the box. "Hell no, these were expensive." He pouted and stuck his tongue out at her.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. This was great. So far we had been to the park, a trail-like place that I didn't know existed, the mall, the organicy place, and now we were heading to Wal-Mart. Because you can't _not_ have fun in Wal-Mart.

When we got there we started wandering around. Cam got the cart and followed me and Layne with it. "Let's go to the crafty aisles," Layne said, her eyes lighting up. "I need more hot glue sticks."

"No, let's go to the candy.." Cam whined. "You have candy! There's a freaking sack of bears in your pocket!" Layne countered. "So? I have the cart," he stuck out his tongue.

Layne rolled her eyes, a disgusted look on her face. "Gross. How you managed to get a girlfriend, I will never know..." she shook her head and took the cart, shoving him to the side. Cam almost crashed into a clothes rack and got some dirty looks from a lady looking through it.

I giggled. "The candy is on the way to the crafts." Layne snickered and started pushing the cart. Cam trailed behind her, muttering to himself. I think I caught the words 'biatch' and 'witchcraft' somewhere, but I'm not sure.

After spending about ten minutes pawing through all the candy, we got to the crafts aisle. While Layne was looking for the hot glue sticks she needed I walked over to the beads and stuff. I picked up one of the packages. 'Rainbow Bracelet Beads.' There were six different colors. The next package said 'Neon Bracelet Beads.' There were five bright colors. I looked at two more, the same colors but clear. There were lots of different color choices. Rainbow, neon, clear, patterened, variety. I don't know why, but I really wanted to get some. Like, _really_ wanted it. They didn't cost too much, so I grabbed the big variety one that had all the color choices.

"What's that?" Cam asked as I placed it in the cart. He had been sitting on the floor next to it, gnawing on a Blow Pop.

"Beads." He looked at them, curious. "Why?" I shrugged. "I dunno. I wanted some."

At that moment Layne walked up, a gigantic bag of glue in her hands. "Ooh! Let's make stuff with 'em! Do you have any yarn?" I thought for a second. "I don't think so.."

She grabbed my hand and started dragging me to the section with yarns, threads, and fabrics. "Here, I like getting this cheap shit," she said, pointing to a section of yarn. A cashier gave her the evil eye but she just smiled back and blew a kiss. Typical Layne. "Which colors speak to your innermost soul?" she asked in a fake serious voice.

I smiled. "I dunno, I didn't know yarn colors could speak.." She poked me in the side. "Umm..I like that one." I pointed to a creamy white one with flecks of browns, pastels, and grays. It reminded me of owls. Layne grabbed it and chucked it at Cam, who had brought the cart over. It hit him in the face, then fell into the baby-seat part. "And..that one." I pointed another yarn ball. It was purple and orange. Purplorange. Heh heh, purplorange. Layne picked up a shiny-looking black one. "Let's get this one too, since black goes with like everything." I nodded, then picked up a last one. It was green and blue, of course I liked it. I dropped it into the cart.

Cam looked at it and grinned. "Aww. I wuv you too Cwairebear," he said, making an 'aww' face. I smiled and tried punch him, but he caught my arm and pulled me into a bear hug, then turned me around so I was inbetween him and the cart. He started walking like that and I had to walk too so I didn't fall.

Layne rolled her eyes. "Let's go, children!" After stopping in the hair dye aisle(for Layne), we paid for our stuff and left. This was fun. And good. I didn't spend half the day 'asleep' under a pile of comfortors or hide out in Cam's room all day. That's progress right there.

**. . . . . . . . . .**

The next day Layne brought the beads and yarn to the band practice. I usually just sat and watched or something while they played, but Layne was all 'no make stuff or I'll eat your soul' so she brought them in her bag. The day before we had made a few bracelets each, and I liked it. It sort of took my mind off of stuff, plus when I was freaking out over the Thing I could look at my wrist and I'll calm down a bit.

By the time they were finished, I had made two. One was rainbow with black yarn and the other was random neons on the purplorange yarn. I added it to my wrists, where all the other ones I'd made were. They were quite fabulicous if I do say so myself. Because fabulicious is totally a word.

"Hey Claire." I looked up to see Derrick standing next to me. I didn't know they had stopped playing. "Hi Derrick," I said absently, observing my new creations. "Those are cool," he said, pointing to my wrists. "Thanks."

We stayed like that for a few seconds, me studying my bracelets and him quietly standing next to me, then he spoke up. "Claire, are you okay?" He seemed serious. For once in his life.

I didn't know what he was talking about. Oh, wait, probably how I became reclusive and glued to Cam's side, not being myself. Yeah, probably that. Or maybe I look sick or something. Truthfully, I was sort of surprised he noticed. Even though I came to like every band practice so I saw him like five time a week, we didn't really talk much. We mainly just acknowledged each other, but in a friendly way since I was with his best friend and he had been with two of mine. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're not as Claire-ish anymore. You're usually all bubbly and happy. Even when you don't do anything." Hmm. Was I really like that? That's probably why everyone freaks out when I'm pissed. It's rare. "But now you're there, but you're not. And sometimes you get jumpy. And don't offer any conversation." Okay, bro, where's Derrick. Seriously. He's getting really deep here. This is the most non-childish I've ever seen him. Keep in mind, kiddos, that this is the boy who enjoys wiggling his ass in people's faces. "You're like a turtle." Oh, wait, there's Derrick.

I shrugged. I didn't really want to bring up the Thing, as my parents have just started to calm down about it and treat me normal again. It's not like I was going to keep it to myself for the rest of forever, but I don't have to tell everyone at once. Some people don't need to know yet. "I'm not a turtle."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not.

"Yes. You. Are."

"No. I'm. Not."

"If you say so, turtle."

"You're a turtle."

"Your face is a turtle."

"Your mom's-"

"Claire what the hell are we doing?" By now we were both laughing. "I have no idea," I giggled, wiping my eyes.

"But, seriously, is everything okay? You don't have to tell me everything," he said quickly, seeing my 'no not really' face. "But you can tell me what you want. I'm not gonna judge or anything, I'm the kid who shows his ass more than his face, so don't worry."

I looked at him then. I mean, really looked at him. We'd never really had a conversation before, yet here he is letting me know that whatever's going on, he'll be there. For an immature ass-shaker, he's a pretty good guy. "Thanks, Derrick. Really. But I'm not really in a mood to talk about things. It's...it's big, you know? But thank you. Seriously." I smiled, and he grinned back.

"Whatever you say, turtle."

"I'm not a turtle."

**. . . . . . . . . .**

"Claire, I don't know about this-"

"Come _on_, Cam, just calm down. It'll be fine."

"But what about when you started crying? When you told me?"

"Yeah, but you didn't know."

"How will knowing it hurts you make me more willing to try?"

"Now I know you know, and I know you'll never try to hurt me."

"But-"

"Oh my god, Cam, it's _fine_." Me and Cam were in my room. My parents weren't home and Todd was at Nathan's. Meaning we were home alone. Meaning I wanted to do stuff. _Stuff._ I don't mean go all slutbag, or slutburger I should totally bring back slutburger slutburger was awesome, I mean I wanted to see if I _could_ do stuff. Without freaking out.

Cam hated this.

He really didn't want to try anything, since the last time he did I ended up crying and telling him what happened. But I didn't want to spend the rest of my life having a mental breakdown whenever someone touches me. That would suck. So I wanted to see how far I could get without having a freakout.

"Claire, I don't like seeing you upset-"

"I'll be upset if you keep putting this off."

"You know what I mean, Claire-"

"What do you mean?"

"Claire-"

"Yes?"

Cam took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Claire. Please don't make me do this. I don't want to, to hurt you or scare you. Do you know how much it freaking killed me seeing you cry like that, when you told me? I'm supposed to protect you Claire, not- ohmygod freaking hell Claire." He stopped his speech when he realized I was slowly guiding his hand up one of my thighs.

I groaned. "Ca-_am_."

"Cla-_aire_," he mimicked my whine perfectly. Jerk.

I sighed. I didn't want to have to do this, but desperate times called for desperate measures. I looked down at my lap, playing with my hands. I bit down on my lower lip softly, making it tremble just enough to be noticable. You wouldn't have seen if you weren't paying attention. But I knew he was. I heard him shift uncomfortably where he was sitting. Good.

Still looking down, I squinted my eyes just enough to make them water a bit, then peeked up at him through my bangs. Not alot, only raising my head slightly then quickly going back, as if trying to make it seem like I hadn't looked. Through my hair, I could see his eyes soften a bit. Good, good.

I lifted my head up to look at him, the kicked-puppy look still perfect on my face. His face was torn between 'ohmygod aww i love you you're so adorable oh that's precious' and 'don't fall for it, cam, you know it's just a trap'. I opened my mouth slightly, closed it, then opened it a bit more. As I opened and closed it I looked to my sides a bit, like I didn't want to meet his eyes. I made the strangled, I-wanna-talk-but-I-can't sound, then sighed a bit, biting down on my lip again. I could see him wearing down, struggling to not give in.

Finally, when I let out the tiniest whimper, he broke. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me onto his lap, one hand stroking my back and the other tangling into my hair. I let myself whimper a bit more and snuggle against his chest, and he kissed the top of my head and started whispering sweet things into my ear. I smirked to myself. All I have to do is look miserable and he's a goner, wrapped around my finger. I posess a dark and powerful gift, and I sure as hell use it to my advantage.

"Oh, Claire.." he sighed, and I could just see the pitiful look on his face. "I'm sorry, Clairebear, it's okay.."

I whimpered a bit. "But Cam..please.." I knew he knew what I was talking about. "I just wanna try, please Cam? I'll stop you if I don't like it, please?" I looked up at him with bright, hopeful eyes and a pleading expression. He grinded his teeth a bit, looking up as if asking God for the will power to say no. Psh, as if. He's freaking putty in my hands. I bet I could make him act like my pet puppy if I really wanted. "We don't have to do to much, I promise!"

After a while he sighed. "..Fine. We'll try, but not too far. I don't wanna push you to do anything, Claire. I love you."

I smiled, my eyes lighting up. "I love you too Cam," I said, reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck. He hugged me back, kissing the top of my head.

This should be interesting.

**x-x-x-x-x**

**yay claire's getting out more! and i keep updating at like night. **

**QOTD: what are your favorite stores? mine are probably hot topic, sanrio, cotton on, and forever 21.**

**also, can i get five reviews before i update next? please? **

**-sarah:)**


	5. let's get physical, physical

**hayhayhay. **

**AN: okay i know right now this story isn't really following the summary, but i'm just going a bit slowly. this is still like the beginning. just wanted to let you guys know.**

**x-x-x-x-x**

_previously:_

_After a while he sighed. "..Fine. We'll try, but not too far. I don't wanna push you to do anything, Claire. I love you."_

_I smiled, my eyes lighting up. "I love you too Cam," I said, reaching upto wrap my arms around his neck. He hugged me back, kissing the top of my head. _

**. . . . . . . . . .**

When I pulled away he looked nervous. "Just calm down," I giggled, taking his hand and getting up. We had been sitting on the floor. I led him to my bed and pushed him down gently, so he was leaning against the wall with his legs out straight. I sat on his lap, facing him and wrapping my arms around his neck. I started to kiss him softly, and he was tense at first but relaxed after a second. He put both hands on my waist and pulled me closer and I smiled against his mouth. After a while I moved one of his hands to my thighs, and he slowly moved it into the band of my shorts, unbuttoning them. He still seemed really nervous so I just started moving his hands more, and he got it after a bit.

We kept doing that, and I wasn't bursting into tears or anything so I thought I was fine. But when he started to push me onto my back so he could get on top of me I started shaking a little. Cam didn't notice and kept going. After a while I couldn't take it and shoved him back up, sitting up and curling into a little ball. I was trembling.

Cam's eyes widened and he got this 'oh shit' look on his face. "Oh fuck- Claire, I'm sorry, are you okay?" I nodded shakily, closing my eyes. It's okay. It's okay. It's only Cam. He's not going to hurt me. I sighed, opening my eyes. Cam's face was really worried and he seriously looked like he was gonna faint.

"Y-yeah..I'm fine," I smiled weakly. He tentatively reached out to touch me, and when I didn't flinch away he came closer and pulled me into his lap. I guess I was subconsiously whimpering or something cause he 'shh'-ed me softly, stroking my hair.

I pulled away after a while and took a deep breath. "Okay. That could have gone worse."

He rolled his eyes. "Claire, does this mean we can stop now? I don't like doing this, I feel like I'm hurting you."

I 'psh'-ed and waved a hand, as if me freaking out during make out sessions was completely normal and nothing to be worried about. "You're not hurting me. I just have to, like, get used to it or something. It's not like you're beating me or something," I tried to sound like he was overreacting. But he was Cam, of course he freaks out over me.

"'Get used to it or something?' Claire, what the hell, you looked like you were about to cry, this was enough for now," he said like I had suggested we go rob a bank or something.

"For now? That means more later, right? Cool," I smirked. I know he really didn't like this, but I didn't want to go all prudish for the rest of my life. It's not like we haven't done way more than this before.

"Claire-"

"Look, Cam, I know you don't like it but I really want to do this. I don't wanna be all scared of sex for the rest of my life because of something bad that happened. I know you're worried about me, but please. Do you seriously think you're gonna be fine with me like this for the rest of time?" I knew I had him there. He probably wouldn't admit it, but he would get really..'frustrated' after a while. Even Cam can't be that patient about not having sex, especially since he's used to it by now. Since I get bored all the time. Heh heh.. nevermind.

"But Claire-"

"No, Cam. I'm serious. It's not like I _like_ freaking out whenever you touch me, but I will if we keep putting this off," I paused for a second and he looked defeated. Haha, score one for Claire Lyons. No, score two, actaully, for getting him to do this in the first place. I'm awesome.

I smirked. "And besides, it's not like you're the only one who likes sex.." I said that last part just to make him blush. Heh heh heh, I think I was born with like extra balls or something, I'm usually the one who starts things.

As predicted, he did blush and stutter around a bit. I'm so evil when I want something. When he found his ability for form complete words, he said, "_Fine_, fine, I get it. We'll try _again_, jesus..." I noticed that he had pulled a pillow over his lap and snorted. Poor boy.

**. . . . . . . . . .**

Since I'm just _so_ convincing, we managed to find out that I was fine with being fondled and stuff as long as I kept my eyes opened. That way I knew it was Cam and not that fucking bastard Chris, who I have now dubbed as Mister Crotchface.

Heh heh, Mister Crotchface.

What a lovely name.

Anyways, I sort of ignored Cam when he tried to be all 'okay that's good for now' and we had sex, and it was kind of funny how freakin relaxed he looked after. I guess there was alot of tension going on with him. Heh heh, poor boy.

After we had finished it was time to go to his band practice. Me and Derrick had been talking more and more so we were friends now. Turns out he talks about Dylan a quarter of the time. And, _damn_, I wish she could hear the way he talks about her, it's _so_ freaking _adorable_. He's pretty whipped, I can tell.

"Claire, I need your help," Derrick practically begged after the practice today.

"Yeah?"

"I can't decide what to get Dylan for her birthday."

I snorted. "Derr, I know your her bitch and all, but her birthday isn't for another month."

He looked a little peeved at being called her bitch but didn't deny it, and said, "I _know_, but it has to be perfect!" I raised an eyebrow. "Like her..." he added under his breath and I smirked. He was good for her, he treats her like a princess and she kind of needs that. Her self-esteem issues have gotten way better since getting together with him.

"Well, what are her favorite things?" I asked, knowing the answer. Fashion, food, and Derrick.

"Uhh...clothes?" I rolled my eyes.

"Her three favorite things are fashion, food, and you. So take the knowledge I've just blessed you with and figure something out." He looked confused as I walked away. I can only offer so much wisdom without giving it completely away.

I was walking over to Cam when someone shouted, "HEY I HAVE AN IDEA," really loudly. We all looked over to where it had come from and saw Harris jumping around. Yes, almost twenty-year-old Harris does, in fact, spend most of his time hanging out with us, his sixteen-year-old little brother and his friends. Why are we basically his only friends? Oh, wait, his friends are all in college. Why does he have so much free time? Oh, wait, he dropped out of college.

Layne rolled her eyes at him for practically screaming in her ear(she was like right next to him), and asked sarcastically, "What brilliant idea is it _this_ time, Harris?" Probably because his 'ideas' usually ended up going wrong. Like the time he stole five puppies from the pet store. Or that time we pissed off the waiter at IHOP. Or that time we got arrested.

"Let's go to that amusement park, I forgot what its called.."

"Rye Playland?" Derrick asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Let's go!" He looked so excited. I worry for that boy.

"Dude, it's like six o'clock, we probably won't get in," Layne reasoned, but he just rolled his eyes. "Yes we will! One of the ticket people is like obsessed with me, I can get us in!" He looked like someone just gave him a puppy.

"Harris-"

"LETS GO!" He ended up dragging Derrick to his car so the rest of us just followed.

**. . . . . . . . . .**

"I _told_ you I could get us in," Harris was smirking at us as we entered the place. Cam rolled his eyes at him and grabbed my hand, pulling me away from them.

"Where are we going?" I asked, letting him drag me. Struggling would take too much effort and if I did he'd probably just carry me.

"An adventure.." I looked back at the rest of the group, where Harris and Derrick were arguing over something while Layne was flirting with some guy standing by himself.

"..Fine. Let's go."

**x-x-x-x-x**

**gah. shortish chapter, but i'm kinda stuck on this one right now. and bennette academy. and kind of on C&L. yeah..**

**QOTD: (since thanksgiving is soon)what are you thankful for? i'm thankful for hair dye, internet, and books.**

**-sarah:)**


	6. rising suspicions

**i'm so sorry for not updating in the past couple of forevers, but i've thought up more of whats gonna happen in this so i'll try to write more. feel free to kick me in the ladyballs if it takes a while, though.**

**btw, i think you're all gonna hate me for this one..*cackles evilly***

**x-x-x-x-x**

Cam and I managed to get away from Layne, Derrick, and Harris for at least half an hour, but were found when Derrick walked in on us, um, 'inspecting' this empty storage closet we knew about. Which of course led to him teasing us to death. He was still grinning stupidly when we got back to Layne and Harris.

"Where were you guys?" Layne asked, shoving cotton candy in her mouth.

"Oh, they were just on a _ride_," Derrick said, wiggling his eyebrows at Harris, who quickly realized what he meant.

"Ride? What ride?" Because it's not like were surrounded by rollar coasters or anything, Harris. "Was it a..._rush_?"

"Was it _exhilarating_?"

"Claire? How was it?" Harris elbowed my side, grinning at me. "Did it make you _scream_?"

I noticed Cam was kind of red by this point and smiled innocently. "A little bit, actually." He turned redder.

We were all quiet for a moment, then Layne snapped her fingers. "Ohh, I get it now." We all either shook our heads or raised her eyebrows at her. She just kept eating her cotton candy. "You guys are stupid. You're supposed to ride rollar coasters, not _each other_.." Derrick burst out laughing at this and Cam turned even redder, if possible.

Harris slapped Cam on the back, grinning. "I bet it was a fun ride!" **(sorry, just had to add this part:))**

**. . . . . . . . . .**

Things were pretty normal for a while. Over the next month I had stopped being as jumpy and started becoming more and more like myself. Me and Derrick got pretty close, so I ended up telling him the Thing and he reacted sort of awkwardly but not badly. About a week after that I told the Pretty Committee, and we ended up having a pretty awesome girl's night so that was cool. Harris had asked Cam if I was okay when I had gotten reminded of it and got jumpy, so I let Cam tell him after he promised not to freak out(he treated me like a little sister). The Thing hadn't happened for almost two months and I was starting to get over it completely.

But then Layne started to get suspicious about things.

I wasn't planning on telling her what her own _brother_ did to me, at least any time soon. I mean, if someone came telling me that Todd had done something as terrible as that I wouldn't believe them at first. I would get upset. I wouldn't want to believe them at all, especially if it was someone close to me.

So yeah, we can all guess that I wasn't up for telling anyone who did it. As much as I wanted his ass in jail. I couldn't do that to Layne. I mean, I _knew_ Chris. He had never treated me as his little sister's annoying friend, he had been my friend too. I didn't want to believe it either. I _wouldn't_ have believed it, if it hadn't been me.

We were hanging out in Cam's garage, and they were getting ready for band practice. She had asked me why I never came over anymore. And we all know I never did well under pressure. That was when she first started to realize who it might have been.

"Hey Claire, do you wanna sleepover tonight? We've only been doing it at your house and my parents are wondering how you are. Chris is getting curious, too." I froze up when she said that. Chris. That _bastard_. He wanted me to come back, he wasn't done with me yet, still wanted to hurthurthurt me-

"I, um, I can't." She raised an eyebrow. "My..parents. They don't like when I sleepover at places anymore, they're worried about me."

"You sleep over at Cam's all the time," she pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, but he's all protective, they like him." That _was_ true, Cam had always been protective and a bit possessive over me and got even more so after I told him. She looked unconvinced but didn't push it. I got worried after that, what if she found out? What would she do?

I really didn't want to find out. I know for a fact she wouldn't accept it fast. Chris had always been a good brother and friend to her, and treated me the same. At least around her. She might get mad at me. And then there'd be sides. I know I have Cam sort of whipped and stuff, but him and Layne have become close friends, same with Derrick and Harris. If Layne got upset then I know she'd want people on her side. Cam wouldn't know what to do, and Derrick and Harris would just awkwardly try and comfort the both of us.

Yeah, no. Things are pretty okay now, we don't need that happening.

**. . . . . . . . . . **

"Claire? Are you and Layne upset with each other or something?" Derrick asked me, grabbing a water bottle. I 'oh-shit'-ed for a second before trying to look calm.

"Why? Does something seem wrong?" Yes, Claire, good acting. I guess my voice might've seemed too innocent because he eyed me oddly for a second before opening the water.

"Well, it just seems like you have a gun to your head whenever she talks to you. And she looks sort of, wary, I guess? Like something's gonna happen?" he shrugged, tipping the bottle to his mouth. This was a couple of days after she first confronted me, and we were on sort of awkward terms.

I 'dunno'-ed like it was nothing I knew about and looked away, pretending to watch Cam and Harris talk about something across the garage. I noticed Layne was standing by herself, looking lost in thought. She looked like she was debating something, biting her lip and furrowing her eyebrows. After a few seconds a look of appalled shock grew on her face, and seemed faintly sick before composing herself. She almost shakily looked over to me, eyes wide.

Oh no. Oh _shit_.

My blue eyes met her hazel ones, and I saw tons of emotions swimming through.

Shock. Disbelief. Anger. Disappointment. Disgust. Shock. Anger. Shock. Disbelief. Shock.

Disbelief, anger, shock. Those were the strongest.

I widened my eyes and inhaled sharply. She knew. She knew, she knew, _she knew_.

"Claire?"

It was a whisper. None of the guys heard it, but to me it was louder than a blaring siren. Tears started to fill her eyes but didn't spill over. Her skin was paler than I'd ever seen it. Her usually bright eyes were wide as saucers.

"Claire?" she said again, louder. It was loud enough to make the guys look over. They looked from her appalled face to my almost horrified one and expressions of concern appeared on all of them.

"Claire." This one wasn't a question, it was a demand. It was sharp, making me snap my head up, eyes wet with emotion.

"Y-yes, Layne?" My voice was as shaky and knowing as her's.

"Who did it?"

"Who did _what_?" My voice was small and high-pitched, full of fake ignorance.

"You know what I'm _talking_ about, Claire," she snapped. "_Who did it_?"

I started shaking, looking from her to Cam to Derrick to Harris, anywhere but her face, anywhere but her. I saw Cam's tense stance and unknowing yet serious face, with a hint of protectiveness ready. Derrick, lost and confused as to what's going on, but seeming to know it was a big deal. Harris, arms crossed and chin raised with a stern curiousity. I looked down at my feet, feeling the familiar but always dreaded sense of fear washing over me-

-my body starting to shake, my lips trembling, eyes drowning in unshed tears-

-suddenly the room was too small, shrinking and closing in on me-

-my breath came in quick, rapid bursts and pants-

-I could feel myself whimpering unconciously while I tried to scream with my lips firmly shut-

-I closed my eyes as tight as I could, wringing my hands and hunching over-

-trying to curl tight enough into a ball that I'd just disappear, but it doesn't work, _it never works_-

"Claire?" "_Claire_?" "Claire, are you okay?" "What's going on?"

There were too many voices, I couldn't think straight. Everything started coming back to me, every time, every touch, every single fucking thing he said, from the first to the last, each memory more vivid and detailed than the last, all the threats and knowing looks and leers and smirks.

It all came to me so rapidly and it kept coming and coming and coming and just when I thought I would explode it stopped. I slowly remembered where I was, what was going on. I looked up from where I had ended up, hugging myself as I stood and whimpered, to see Cam holding me with a scared, worried look on his face. Derrick was in front of us, looking at me in concern. Harris was standing next to Layne, who hadn't moved. Her eyes were watering and she looked so broken yet composed in a way I've only seen on Massie.

"Claire?" Layne said again, her voice completely calm, sounding wrong with how she looked at the moment.

"Y-yes?"

"Who..did..it?"

I took a deep breathe and looked down, closing my eyes. Then, so quietly I almost couldn't hear, I said, "-

**x-x-x-x-x**

**LOL NOPE NOT TIL NEXT TIME KIDDOS. and i'll try not to take a month to update again, that would be a bit mean with this ending:)**

**review replies:**

**vannaluv: **thanks, and thanks(again) for reviewing all my stories so far! (at least the in progress ones:))

**tammywammy9: **yay for claire, though things'll be a bit harder after this chapter:( haha whipped cam is like amazing, he's so prissy and adorable it fits well. and i guess she won't have to say mister crotchface now, since this chapter just, ya know.. AND ELVIS, BROWNIES, AND BOOKS? girl that was perfect:)

**indie misery: **i dunno i like making her all sexual cause cam's reactions are funny. and gack i didn't put the amusement park line there exactly, but it was pretty close so i hope thats alright. and harris is one of my many husbands, so you might have a bit of trouble with that...

**and we all know i'm a whiny review whore, so can i get mor ereviews on this chapter? this last one only got three:( can i get at least five? pretty please with fluff on top? **

**kaybyee,**

**-sarah:)**


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